How to get started

“Anal sex can give you a new type of feeling and a stronger sexual experience,” says Suzann Larsdotter.

For the uninitiated, the step to penetrating anal sex can seem like a long one. But putting something up there is really not a must to enjoy anal sex.

“Anal sex is much more than penetration and you don’t absolutely have to insert anything. You can caress, lick and content yourself with external stimulation. But use a lubricant, it makes it more pleasant,” says Suzann Larsdotter.

For those curious about anal sex, it may be a good idea to explore it first on your own. If you like it, you can then invite a sexual partner.

Why anal sex should not be rushed

For those who want penetrative anal sex, there are a number of ways. But there are also some things that can be good to think about. The anus consists of two sphincters, one external and one internal, and they need to be treated carefully, otherwise there is a risk that it will hurt, rather than feel good.

We can control the external sphincter at will, and that is the one that we need to relax in order for sex not to hurt. On the other hand, we cannot control the internal sphincter, it relaxes under pressure. But you have to be careful and take it easy.

“You have to get the muscles to work together, otherwise it can hurt. If you are going to have penetrative anal sex, you both have to relax and then wait for the internal sphincter to react to the pressure and relax. I usually say that you have to knock on the door and wait. If you knock on the door and no one opens it, you should not enter. But if the door opens, you are welcome,” says Suzann Larsdotter.

“It is also good to insert the penis or anal plug a little bit at a time, then stop for a moment before inserting it another bit until you can move the penis or anal plug back and forth.

How to find the P-spot during anal sex

Anal sex can provide many different types of pleasure. You simply need to test it yourself to see what you like best. Some people think the biggest turn on is to be caressed or licked around the opening itself, others like to be penetrated. But even penetration itself can be done in lots of different ways.

“Some people like it when you put a finger, an anal plug or the penis in and out, while others don’t think the penetration itself is so pleasant. It is very individual,” says Suzann Larsdotter.

For those who have a prostate, anal sex can be extra nice. The man’s equivalent to the G-spot, the so-called P-spot, is accessed via the anus. “For people with a penis, there is a point 5-8 cm in. The point sits against the front rectal wall and feels a bit like a walnut. Many people like to be stimulated there,” says Suzann Larsdotter.

It is a common misconception that women cannot enjoy anal sex. Hans Olsson, an expert at RFSU, explains that the conditions for enjoying anal sex are more about the person and the relationship and how the interaction works during sex.

“Men, women, non-binary – we all have nerve endings there. Everyone has the ability to enjoy anal sex. The difference is that men have a prostate, and many men enjoy stimulating it. You could say that men have a heightened ability to enjoy anal sex,” says Hans.

Be gentle in the beginning

If you’re new to anal sex, it’s a good idea to start by inserting something smaller, such as a finger or an anal plug, before moving on to a penis or larger butt plug. Remember that you should always use lubricant.

– There is no natural moisture in the anal area, so lube is necessary. Even when caressing around the anus, it feels better with lube. It’s also a good idea to test it on yourself before having anal sex with a partner, so you have a little more control, says Suzann Larsdotter.

Use the right toy for anal sex

For those who want to use sex toys in the anal area, it is very important to think about what you are inserting. Products intended for use in the anus have a disk or similar at the bottom that prevents them from disappearing into the body. Using a regular dildo that is not intended for the anus is not recommended.

– It is extremely important not to use products that do not have a stopper or string, even if you are using the product with someone. It’s easy to think you’re holding the dildo and in control, but the muscles in the anus can contract and it’s easy to let go. The anus doesn’t have a natural ending like a vagina, for example, and things can disappear deep inside, says Suzann Larsdotter:

– In the unlikely event of an accident, squat down and try to get it out. If you don’t succeed, it’s important to go to the emergency room to get help getting it out. The area is very sensitive and loose objects can potentially cause damage.

Hygiene during anal sex

Some refrain from anal sex because they’re worried about hygiene, but this is often an exaggerated fear. Before sex, you can wash the area around the anus, but doing an anal rinse is not a good idea. It removes the body’s natural bacteria. But there are both simple anal showers for cleaning and variants with multiple nozzles that can also double as a sex toy. Whichever you choose, remember to always use lube and not to rinse too often.

“If you are not in need of doing a poo, the lower part of the intestine is empty. On the other hand, there may be remains of poo, but that is simply something to be reckoned with if you are going to have anal sex,” says Suzann Larsdotter.

It is also important to remember that neither body parts nor sex toys should be switched  between the anus and the vagina.

“If you are going from anal sex to vaginal sex, you must wash yourself or the sex toy properly first. Or you can use a condom that you remove or change before inserting anything into the vagina.”

Extra important to protect yourself during anal sex!

Another important thing to consider when having anal sex is to protect yourself.

“The intestinal mucosa absorbs bacteria and viruses more easily, so it is actually extra important to use a condom when having anal sex. It is also important to remember that you must be tested for venereal diseases locally. So, if you fear that you have contracted chlamydia through anal sex, you must take a sample locally in the anus. And if you want to lick someone around the anus, it’s good to be vaccinated against hepatitis B, which can otherwise be transmitted that way,” says Suzann Larsdotter.

“Having said that, give this forgotten part of the body a chance. It can pay unexpectedly nice dividends!”

Step-by-step : How to explore anal sex

Hans Olsson, an expert at RFSU, shares tips on how to start exploring anal sex. The advice is based on both you and your partner being positive about doing it together.

Communication during anal sex

• Talk to each other about what you would like to do. Think of anal sex as something you can discover together. You may need to try it a couple of times to learn, and get clear on what you like and don’t like.
• Don’t have too high expectations. Remember that anal sex is more than just penetrative anal sex (anal intercourse).
• It is important that both understand that the one being penetrated is the one in charge. It’s also a good idea to talk in advance about when to stop, for example if it starts to hurt or feel uncomfortable.
• Talk to each other afterwards. How did it feel? What was good? Was it fun? It’s important that both of you are honest and responsive.

Preparations before having anal sex

• Before you have anal sex with your partner, you can try, for example, inserting a finger into the anus to get an idea of how it feels, in a situation where you are in full control. The external sphincter is voluntary. When you push, it relaxes and opens up a little, making it easier to insert something into the anus. You can practice pushing and straining on your own.
• It is important, especially to feel clean and fresh, to wash yourself before having anal sex. It is good if you have pooped before or during the day, but if you have not, washing your rectum is sufficient. Do not use an enema.
• Make sure you have both lubricant (silicone or water-based) and condoms at home. Lubricant is very important, as you do not lubricate the anus. Apply lubricant around and in the anal opening, and on the penis or dildo.
• Condoms protect against bacteria and STIs.

When you have anal sex

• Talk to each other more than usual. Talk about how different things feel, what feels good or not so good, if it goes too fast, and so on. Be responsive.
• Remember that the person being penetrated is in charge.
• Start by examining the anus with caresses, tongue or fingers. Do not try to penetrate directly with a penis or dildo. Use plenty of lubricant. The person being penetrated may squirm. Insert the penis or dildo slowly, a little at a time.
• It is important to be relaxed. The more relaxed you are, the more pleasurable you tend to find penetration (if you have anal sex). A good way to relax is to first give each other an oil massage and then massage your thighs, the back of your thighs, your buttocks, between your buttocks and around your anus.
• The most common cause of pain is inserting the penis or dildo too quickly. Once the sphincter is relaxed, penetration is usually easier. Pain can also be caused by a hemorrhoid (which you may not have known you had). It is usually the thickness of what you put in your anus that can cause pain, not the length.
• Stop if it hurts or feels uncomfortable. Some people may feel the need to pee, in which case you can take a break and change position or go to the toilet.
• Bleeding may occur. If you have a small amount of bleeding, you don’t need to worry, but if you have a lot of bleeding, you should stop.
• Change condoms if you alternate between anal and vaginal intercourse.
• Don’t forget that you can stimulate other body parts during anal sex.

Anal sex positioning tips

• The person being penetrated lies on their back, with their legs up on their partner’s shoulders. A pillow can be placed under the small of the back to create an angle that facilitates penetration.
• On your knees, from behind. If you are penetrating with a dildo, this is perhaps the best position. You lie on your stomach and are penetrated from behind. Many people like this position because it is intimate with lots of skin contact.
• The person being penetrated rides their partner. The advantage is that the rider controls the pace and depth.